We have worn the mask for so long that it has started to feel weird when we step out without wearing one. What was new and weird has now become the normal. The thought of how it would feel when everything returns to (the old) normal makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm not really sure if I would be able to trust a maskless world again.
I was at the kids store last week to pick up an essential item. Once I got the bill, I left the item for packing and went to make the payment. When I returned, I noticed another customer at the delivery counter had picked my item in his hand, looking at it and inquiring the store staff what it was used for. I moved quickly and asked him why he was touching my item. I questioned his common sense and implied that it was not sensible to touch other's item in the time of a pandemic. I told him that he should find it in the shelf if he wanted to take a look at it. He immediately apologised.
As soon as I stepped out of the shop, I felt angry at myself. The thought of how I would have negatively impacted his curiosity made me to feel disappointed with my behaviour. He didn't mean any harm, but the intentions were no longer good enough. The fear has started to overpower the kindness and understanding. I'm no longer able to allow someone approaching me without a mask. A touch that once felt caring is now scaring. I couldn't take off my mask when I'm facing someone. I started appreciating when people maintain distance. It all feels so weird and yet so real.
While I was lost at the thoughts of all these, a past conversation with a friend came to my mind for no reason. It was a time when I was suggesting him to be himself. I was questioning him why he couldn't be his true self and why he often put up a mask to pretend in front of people. He replied to me, "Being myself makes me vulnerable. This world often looks for weakness and exploits it. I just want to protect myself from it."
--
Paul.
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