Choices!

When an unfair argument is put forth against you, what choices you have? The choices get limited when you have to handle the argument without hurting or resenting the arguer. The choices get further limited when you prefer peace over arguments or debates. At the end, you will be left with no choice other than maintaining silence hoping that one day the arguer understands your point of view.

I used to get pushed towards the edge of shouting when an unfair argument is raised repeatedly. The anguish is how can they not understand. But to understand, one needs more than just the words being said, deeds being acted upon or the scenes being witnessed. It needs the awareness of the attributes of other persons shoes. But then it's given that it is needed for understanding. So that can be taken as an excuse for not exhibiting understanding. We may need to add willingness as another key requirement that facilitates understanding. But how can you convey that willingness is needed for understanding without offending the other person. May be, you never say that. You just hope that one day they come forward with willingness.

It is not the situation of helplessness that leads to silence and the desire to drop the argument. It's the desperate attempt to get back to peace as early as possible. But sometimes I'm made to wonder if one can attain peace without passing through the storm? Is it even possible to skip the storm? Wouldn't we all prefer that if there is even a tiny possibility for that? May be, a state like that is just a paradise of dream.

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Paul | பவுல் 

Sudden feeling of strangeness!

It's surprising how a person, who once were very close to us, becomes stranger all of sudden. It feels as though we never knew them.

I'm now thinking of my past relationships and the phases I went through with each of them. I feel that when sudden feeling of strangeness kicks in a relationship, it is the time one should wake up and do all preparations for what could possibly be an end to the relationship. The preparation will help untie oneself from such relationship with as little hurt as possible.

I do feel that having a sense about the time the other person is moving away from the relationship is important for one's own mental health. It's really important especially to those who exhibit unconditional love and affection. When one senses such situation in a relationship, it's also important to listen to the mind than the heart. The heart will always try to amend things and fight for the relationship. It will tell stupid things like we can continue to try and work it out irrespective of getting hurt.

Well, we should listen to our mind that tells it's all over and that we should move on. I know it's difficult because the truth isn't always easy to take in. We shouldn't be afraid to take the pill even though it's very bitter. Because at the end, the bitter pill is the one that's going to save us from lots of trouble. Isn't it?

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Paul | பவுல் 

Keeping up the words!

My mother had always advised us to keep up the promises. Especially the ones we make to kids. She used to say that you shouldn't be the reason for a kid to loose its faith in promises. When you convince a kid to do something by promising something else, you should live upto your words when the kid finishes doing what you asked.

Thinking about what my mother asked of us, I can see that it has a very deeper meaning and effects. When a kid is innocent and trusting your words, it's really not right in any ethical way to disappoint the kid. The kid is going to learn that you won't keep up your words, and that's going to stay in their mind for life time. You are not only going to ruin their trust on promises but also likely to teach them that not keeping up one's word is normal. You are teaching an unethical practise to an innocent mind.

More than keeping up a promise, the essence of my mother's advise is that not to promise something that you would know that you aren't going to fulfil at the time of promising. Don't say you would do something when you know that you aren't going to do it. When you promise like that, you are not just doing something ethically wrong, but also doing something as bad as committing a sin.

Kids learn what we teach them. Their attitude and behaviour towards people and society changes based on how we behave with them. And there is a kid in every grown ups too. In any relationships when we promise something, especially when we know we wouldn't be fulfilling them, the feeling of disappointment and betrayal we are going to bring them later is going to affect their life in lot more ways than we could possibly imagine.

Now, why am I saying all this is a question to be. Don't we all need someone or something remind us of the rules? When we are too busy playing, we often tend to forget or overlook the rules. Don't we?

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Paul | பவுல் 

The questions of 'why'!

Wondering how to handle certain thoughts that are looping in the mind without giving a break. The questions of why is everywhere. Are there regrets? Of course, certainly there are some. Do I feel sorry? may be. Could I have done things better? certainly in all ways. If time machine exists, would my decision towards certain things/people be different? for sure. 

But then what's the point of thinking on the lines of 'what if's. It is what it is and how you move forward with what's at hand is what matters now. What are we going to achieve by questioning ourselves on the decisions we took, the turns we made with respect to relationships, friendships and events happened in the past? While the mind understands that nothing fruitful is going to happen out of such questioning, does it stop doing so?

I'm reminded of friendships and relationships in the past that had been so very close. Once what felt cannot be left behind are behind now. Once what felt as something you cannot move forward without has become something that can no longer matter. But what happens changes one's self. Call it maturity or call it learning from mistakes.. The bottom line is something in the lines of a quote I read recently.. "don't let the old flame burn you twice".

At the end, what happens is.. We change. We stay away from the old flame burning us twice. We try to evolve. We get burnt by a different flame. We tell ourselves that the scar isn't as bad as the first one.. We change.. The loop goes on.

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Paul | பவுல் 

Tuning the focus and the cake story!

I have been thinking about the long and busy weekend ahead. Planning and executing a personal event with family, friends and neighbours is always a likeable (is it?) thing to do. I'm very excited and equally anxieted (is that even a word? ha ha).

Though all arrangements have been made, my mind is busy with the thoughts and questions of  'did we miss anything?', 'can we do more?', 'should we increase or reduce the food count?' etc etc. I like being in such mood, because it means I'm into it. When you are into something, you make arrangements out of interest instead of forcing yourself to do it.

So, where should my focus be? Satisfying everyone? Well, that could be straightening dog's tail. Perhaps I should tune my focus on what not to do. As long as we don't upset anyone, that should be good enough. I'm thinking of people who normally volunteer to get upset. Don't laugh. There are people who volunteer themselves inviting the situation that could (or would) cause them distress. 

While writing this, I'm reminded of a story that one of my friends once told me. When you give a piece of cake to people, the way in which they handle the cake depends on who they are and what makes them happy. Some gets excited and choose to eat it right away and enjoy the flavour, freshness of the cake and be joyful -- probably looking around to see if they can get some more. Some choose to keep it for a while, admire it, probably go through the feelings of gratitude and then eat it after a while. There are one or two people who will hold the cake gently in their hand and move around in people's way. In a short while, someone will accidentally knock them and the cake will fall on the floor. Everyone around that person will be sorry and sympathetic. Now the person who was holding the cake is happy (inside). What makes such person happy is others feeling sorry and sympathetic towards them. Such sympathy gives them more happiness than actually eating the cake. Now, how can you deal with such people. Perhaps when the cake falls, keep it to a small area instead of the cake spreading all over the floor. Because cleaning the floor is a damn difficult task. :-) 

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Paul | பவுல் 

Catching the breath!

How long it has been since I posted something here!

Was I busy, I am not really sure. Busy couldn't be the answer. Being busy does not define what you do or want to do. At least, it should not. When you are passionate (or interested) about something, you would always find time to do it.

So, the right answer, then, would be diverted. Yes, that sounds about right. I was diverted towards many different things, people and relationships. So 'why return now' is the question to be. I know the answer, but probably that's not something that I would like to admit or disclose. Let that stay private.

When my mind has been wandering these days, the question I had kept asking myself was, 'what's that one thing that can help me get back to the life of peace and happiness'. The answer was writing, of course. So here I'm. At the same time, I'm not trying to imply I wasn't at peace or not happy.

I have experienced so much these days. So many ups and downs. So many loses and few gains. The emotional journey had been a rollercoaster ride. One of the reasons I stopped writing was that my posts had started being perceived or connected towards certain people or incidents. But which writing isn't. The question to be asked is of the intentions. Were my intentions to point out people or incidents? Certainly not. But how can I express the way I see things without the elements that would relate to the people or incidents or what's happening around me? My intentions had always been to write them in non-judgemental ways and that's how it should be viewed too.

Whenever I post, I imagine posting to a dark abyss. That has always been my audience. I have always imagined myself shouting at the endlessness that expands in front of me if I were standing on top of a mountain.

So, here I'm. Again standing on top of the mountain. Let me see if the momentum continues.  Let me see if it helps me catch my breath.

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Paul | பவுல்.