Distance that invariably fall in place..

These days many people ask me why I've been keeping myself away from them. While that wasn't intentional, I know such answer is likely to be ruled out as an usual excuse. Instead of answering people individually, even though I have done so, I thought perhaps I can write a post that talks in general on why someone keeps themselves away from someone else.

What I have noticed most of the times is that the person who calls or talks or asks first has upper hand to accuse the other for the distance that has fallen in place. It's natural, after all they talked to you first asking the question. What could be more interesting is that sometimes the person who talks first may not even know that (s)he was made to talk first. That's interesting part of a complicated game.

Let's talk about a game with normal rules. I have noticed that most of the people want the other person to talk, discuss and expose their life while they stay behind the curtain all the time. When asked, the answer would normally be, "it's by nature!". Recently couple of my friends, who were busy with their own life for quite sometime, called me after a long gap. Though it took sometime to get to the normal tone of conversation, we did manage to have it. One of them asked me what is latest with my life. When I smiled and had nothing much to share, I was accused of being a mystery these days. I couldn't help but smile. Sometimes it makes me feel good to hear that people care about me and want to know what is happening and be a part of my life. But then when they don't come forward equally to share their life, it makes me question why would I need such relationships / friendships.

They say that it is better to be alone than to be with people who makes you feel lonely. Their on and off nature of being in touch turns me off completely sometimes. I find it difficult to explain it to them. While some one else could very well accuse me of the same, I always wonder why I don't call them first and ask them the question they ask me.

What I have noticed is, any relationship -- including friendships -- is difficult to maintain, explained, continue and feel fulfillment if there is no 100% transparency from both sides and that they both don't meet at mid point.

Paul Arockiam.
27-June-2014.

Experiencing love !!

They say, "loving someone gives you courage and being loved by someone gives you strength". When you are filled with courage and strength, nothing can stand in your way. You can grab the life you want. The path will be clear. What you experience and feel are so sweet.. so gentle.. Pains get diluted.

There is nothing but happiness all around.

There is nothing but warmth, care and gentle breeze of affection.

There is nothing but love to spread.

There is nothing but love to breath. 

There is nothing but living life to it's fullest.

There is no one else other than you two..

You are dressed with rainbow, covered by clouds and lie on the lap moon. It is so wonderful. It is so lively. You feel life !!

Paul Arockiam.
27-June-2014.

Need of a purpose !

You need a stronger purpose to keep rolling. A purpose that is more demanding than the one you are running with. A purpose that is more promising than the ordinary. A purpose that gives the sense of fulfilling when you dream of achieving it.

You need a purpose that stays back inside your eyelids even when you are asleep or the one that doesn't let you sleep. In this world of hopelessness, you need a purpose that makes you feel you simply can't live without it. Let it spread it's root into your dreams, thoughts, words and deeds.

When you find such purpose, you have found your life.

Paul Arockiam.
25-June-2014.

[ நாவல் பற்றி ] சிந்துவைக் கொன்று விட்டார்கள் - சில துளிகள்

"அதெப்படி என்னைப் படிக்காமலேயே நான் சொல்லிக் கொண்டிருப்பதை சொல்லி விட்டு சென்றிருக்கின்றனர்..?", என்றான் நகு.

கடற்கரை.. கூட்டம்.. மாலை.. மணல்.. உவர் காற்று.. காலடிக்கு மிக அருகில் வந்து தன்னைப் பின்னிழுத்துக் கொள்ளும் அலை.

எனக்கு ஒன்றுமே புரியவில்லை. அவன் இப்படி தான். திடீரென்று சம்பந்தமே இல்லாத ஏதோவொன்றைப் பற்றி, தலையும் இல்லாமல் வாலும் இல்லாமல் நடுவில் இருந்து ஆரம்பிப்பான். "ஏன் எப்பவுமே இப்படி நடுவுல ஆரம்பிக்கிற..?", என்று கேட்டால், "நடுவுல தான சுவாரசியமான விஷயங்களே இருக்கு சிந்து..", என்று கண்ணடித்துக் கொண்டே அங்கேப் பார்ப்பான்.

".டேய்..", என்று அவன் புஜத்தில் ஒரு குத்து விடுவேன். அவனது இரட்டை அர்த்த வசனங்களுக்கு வேறென்ன செய்வது. சிரித்துக் கொண்டே அடியை வங்கிக் கொள்வான்.

"நீ என்ன சொல்லிட்டு இருக்க..? யார் என்ன சொல்லிட்டு போய் இருக்காங்க..?", சத்தியமாக ஒன்றுமே புரியாமல் தான் கேட்டேன்.

"அஹம் பிரம்மாஸ்மி..", என்றான்.

"டேய்.. அது 'நான் கடவுள்' படத்துல பாலா சொன்ன மாதிரியே இருக்கு"

"பாலா ரொம்ப லேட்.. அதுக்கு ரொம்ப காலத்துக்கு முன்னாடில இருந்தே நான் சொல்லிட்டு இருக்கேன் 'நான் தான் கடவுள்'ன்னு.."

"யார்கிட்ட..?"

"யார்கிட்டயும் இல்ல.. எனக்குள்ளையே தான்.."

"ஹவ் கன்வீனியண்ட்..", என்று சிரித்தேன்.

"சிரிக்காதடி.. ஒய் ஷூட் ஐ லை..? ஐ மைட் ஹாவ் டோல்ட் இட் டு ப்யூ பீபிள் டூ..", சொல்லிக் கொண்டே சிந்தனையில் ஆழ்ந்து விட்டான்.

"சரிடா.. நீ அப்படி சிந்திக்கிற ஆள் தான்.. இப்ப என்ன ஆச்சு..?". நிகழ் உலகத்திற்கு அவனை இழுத்து வந்தேன்.

"இல்ல.. ஓஷோ.. புத்தர்.. எல்லாருமே அதை தான் சொல்லிட்டுப் போய் இருக்காங்க.. படிச்சு பாக்குறப்ப தான் தெரியுது..", என்றவன் சிரித்துக் கொண்டே மீண்டும் கேட்டான், "அதெப்படி என்னைப் படிக்காமலேயே நான் சொல்ல இருந்தத அவங்க எல்லாம் சொல்லிட்டுப் போய்  இருக்காங்க..".

"டேய்.. இதெல்லாம் ரொம்ப ஓவர்.."

"இல்ல சிந்து.. நெஜமா தான் கேக்குறேன்.. அதெப்படி..?", என்று இழுத்தான்.

"சரிடா.. யூ ஆர் எ பர்சனா.. ஒத்துக்கிறேன்..", என்று அவனிடம் சொல்லி விட்டு வானத்தைப் பார்த்து இரண்டு கைகளையும் விரித்து கொண்டு, "கடவுளே, நிஜமாவே நீ இப்படி தானா..?", என்றேன்.

"எரும..", என்று தலையில் கொட்டினான்.

"அது சரி.. கடவுளுக்கு எதுக்குடா காதல்..? சந்நியாசம் இல்ல போகணும்.."

"போடி லூசு.. அங்க தான் நீ தப்பு பண்ற.. காதல் இல்லாத கடவுள் நிஜ கடவுளே இல்ல.. தெய்வீகம் பிறக்கிறதே காதல்ல இருந்து தாண்டி..", என்று சொல்லிக் கொண்டே இடைவெளியைக் குறைத்து அருகில் நெருங்கினான். அணைக்க முயன்றான்.

"தெய்வீகம் அப்பறம் தனியா இருக்கப்ப பொறக்கட்டும்.. நீ தள்ளி உக்காரு", என்று சொல்லி விட்டு நான் இடைவெளி விட்டு அவனிடம் இருந்து நகர்ந்து அமர்ந்தேன்.

....

<<"சிந்துவைக் கொன்று விட்டார்கள்" நாவலில் இருந்து..>>

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.
17-ஜூன்-2014.

Fall..

When some people say, "this is why I never want to fall in love", I wouldn't help myself but smile. What else can we do for their innocence or ignorance of thinking love as a act or task that could be pre-planned and that they are in control of it.

Do you know why they call "falling in love"? That's because you fall, which you will never know when, where and with whom. Not falling is not in your control. You may walk steady, I agree. You may be looking at the floor each time you take the next step, I again agree. You may hold your hand onto something when you move further, I still agree. Do you really think all those guarantee you that you will never ever fall ?

Paul Arockiam.
17-June-2014.

Matrimony and it's complications - 4..

I never thought it would become a series of writing. When I wrote the first post on "Matrimony and it's complications", I was desperate to express at least something that I have been going through. Then I realized that there is indeed so much to share, not just to express what I feel about it but also to talk about it in general.

After reading my posts on the topic related to this, one of my friends, who is also the only person, made me feel like she got the real essence of what I was writing about and caught the right pulse of the posts. We had a long discussion around the topic. She was very forthcoming to explain me the 'why's' of the complications. It wasn't that I was unaware of everything but she surely added some new perspectives into my thinking.

To ease the complications, her simplest advise -- which I couldn't help but agree -- was to follow the procedure. The core point of the complication was because we are caught up in between the transformation of the generations. The generations before us might not have had such complications or at least they ought have been made to accept that as de facto conducts of code. The generation after us aren't surely going to face such complications, at least not at this level of aggravation.  As she had rightly pointed out, we are caught up in the middle. Our parents are so much into the de facto procedures while us, the children, are into free will nature.

To handle a complicated situation like this, the simplest and really working way is to follow the procedure our parents set or expect. As a bride or groom, you aren't supposed to talk. Let parents talk. Let them go through the proper procedure and proceed further. Even if you want to talk, so as to show your high moral values, you remind yourself that you aren't at an advantage to talk. You talk when you are given the chance and keep your profile low because that is what considered to be a good and acceptable behavior as per de facto conducts of code.

You might be against dowry and all other 'not making sense' routine of procedures (I didn't use the word 'nonsense' because that is condemned as per the de facto dictionary., however expanding of the word is considered not to be an offense). But until you are given a chance with an environment filled with acceptable attitudes, you perhaps restrict yourself from making a scene. When talks about dowry comes and you are asked to give opinion, simply and politely say that "it's your wish, I'm not expecting anything". Don't say that, "I don't want dowry and that is against my principle", because you are then likely to be perceived as a defective piece of work by God. You can even show your gesture of goodness by returning the dowry, if they were willing to give, after marriage when you really get a chance to speak for yourself.

-- To be continued in next post of the series.

Paul Arockiam.
16-June-2014.

The (dis)advantage of expressive nature !

In a relationship, the person who is first to express or more expressive than the other person is the most vulnerable. I'm not saying that to mean such persons requires change. While you know what kind of person you are, it is also good to know the position, advantages and disadvantages you have in your relationship. Nothing to be scared of, but realizing the fact will help you deal the reality in a better way (or at least not in the worst way).

I have witnessed it. I have been a victim of it. I have experienced it. I have also noted that considerate thoughts, empathy, unconditional love and care seems to have become luxury in nature, in the sense not many persons possesses them these days. The very unfortunate thing is, those who have such luxurious attributes are considered to be poor and are denied of VIP status. While that is not for what they want to exhibit such attributes, it is however, in my opinion, very unfortunate.

The persons, who are truly committed into a relationship, are nothing but to be scared of the uncertainty thrown at them constantly. Persistence is often to be questioned for it's ability to add value into such relationships. A focused effort again needed to be questioned. If a relationship is mutually caring enough, why do you need persistence and focused effort to keep it stable ?

Having said the realities, you can't change the nature of your true self irrespective of the rides life takes you for. Can you ?

Paul Arockiam.
16-June-2014.

[ கவிதை ] அம்பு

புதர்களில் மறைந்து மறைந்து 

நகரும் அம்மனிதர்கள் 

ஆபத்தற்றவர்களே என்று 

தெரிந்திருந்தாலும் கூட 

ஏனோ எய்து விடுகிறேன் அம்பை 

மறைதலும் 

பின்  அரும்புதலும் 

அவர்களின் இயல்பே 

என்றாலும் கூட 

பொருத்திப் பார்க்க இயலவில்லை 

அவ்வியல்பை யாருடனும் 

விலங்குகளைத் தவிர

பிறகொரு நாள் 

ஏதோவொரு அம்பு 

சீறி பாய்ந்து வந்தது 

என்னை நோக்கி 

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.

13-ஜூன்-2014.

Wants Vs Needs..

How will you convey to a someone that you are the one and you are all what they needs, when the other person focus is fully on their wants ? Let's keep the debate of how will one know the need of another aside, for a while at least. Let's assume that they just know. Now the question is, how that person will convey the other person they are not looking at the option that will fulfill their need.

I do notice that some people's want doesn't even overlap with their need ? How will you make them understand that what they are doing is chasing their own shadow hoping it will provide shade from sun light ? Or may be that they do know their need and they get bit more greedy.

I sometime concern about them that their wants could put them into misery in long run if they put their needs in back seat. We can say it is none of our business until of course the concerned person is of falling under your caring circle. Sometimes all you can do is warn and if possible be a backup in case they end up in the need of rescue.

Paul Arockiam.
13-June-2014.

அடர்த்தியான பனி மூட்டம்..

அவர்கள் தம் நிலைப்பாட்டை அவ்வப்போது நமக்கு தெரியப்படுத்திய வண்ணமே இருந்தனர். நாம் தான் மிகுந்த அலட்சியம் காட்டினோம். வயதின் திமிரும், அடையும் சக்தியின் மீதான அசட்டு நம்பிக்கையும் நம் செவிகளை அடைத்துக் கொண்டிருந்தன. நாம் கடைசி வரை நம் சொற்பேச்சை கேட்பவர்களாகவே இருக்கவில்லை.

நடப்பதற்கான சாத்தியங்கள் குறைவு என்று கூற முனைந்த உள்மனதை நாம் உள்ளே வைத்துப் பூட்டி, சாவியை தலை சுற்றி தொலைவில் எறிந்தோம். சாத்தியங்கள் குறைவான அந்த சவால் நமக்கு மிகவும் பிடித்திருந்தது. அதில் வெற்றியடையும் போது கிடைக்க இருக்கும் புகழையும் நிறைவையும் எண்ணி நாம் கனவில் மிதந்தோம். நழுவிக் கொண்டிருக்கும் நிகழ்காலம் எதிர்காலத்தை சூறையாடிக் கொண்டிருப்பதை நாம் கண்டு கொள்ள விரும்பவில்லை. நாம் நம்மை மறந்திருந்தோம். அவர்களும் நம்மை மறந்திருந்தனர்.

பிறகு ஒருநாள் வந்தது. தாம் தொடர்ந்து சொல்லி வந்த தமது நிலைப்பாட்டை மீண்டும் நமக்கு அறிவுறுத்த அவர்கள் அங்கே இல்லை. அவர்கள் நமது அலட்சியத்தின் பால் சலிப்படைந்து இருக்க வேண்டும். அல்லது நேரமின்மையின் எல்லையை தொட்டிருக்க வேண்டும். அல்லது அவர்கள் நிர்ணயித்து இருந்த நேரம் வந்திருக்க வேண்டும். அப்போது நமக்கு முன் எதுவுமே இல்லாமல் போய் விட்டது. நாம் மிகவும் யோசித்தோம். பிறகு கற்பனையின் உதவியுடன் நம்மை சுற்றி அடர்த்தியான பனி மூட்டத்தை ஏற்படுத்திக் கொண்டோம்.

அவர்கள் அங்கே இருக்கிறார்கள் என்றும், பனி மூட்டத்தின் காரணமாகவே அவர்கள் நம் கண்களுக்கு தெரிய மறுக்கின்றனர் என்றும், விரைவில் சுட்டெரிக்கும் சூரியன் உதிப்பான் என்றும் நமக்கு நாமே ஆறுதல் சொல்லிக் கொண்டோம். பூமி நம் கால்களுக்கு கீழே சுழல்வதை நிறுத்தவேயில்லை.

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.
13-ஜூன்-2014.

Never ending chase..

Why is that we are persistent in pursuing something even though we don't see any response from the other side..? Is it because we (think we have) ran out of options ? Or is it because we are so adamant to get what we started for ? Or is it because we always look the uncertainty as a still remaining positive possibility ?

Why is that we do not realize the earth is spinning under our feet while we are chasing something in the fog ? Why is that we forget to look those around us who are pulled against their will because of our never ending chase ? When we know that uncertainty has surrounded as for days, weeks, months and years, how is that we are so certain there will be a positive outcome ?

We know that the options are limitless. We know that there is nothing running before us wanting us to catch. When we don't want to be a hunter, why should we chase at all..? Shouldn't we be just doing our other important things and wait for things to fall in place ?

Paul Arockiam.

13-June-2014.

Change in colors !

These days I see some change in the way I feel about certain things. For example, rude behavior, irrespective of the having affection with the person, puts me off. Looking back, I used to tolerate such behavior and don't take it as a big deal. I used to think, after all it's the person I care about.

But these days, my temperament is different. It might be because of the realization that people are taking advantage of the soft corner you have for them. It is very surprising to see how the progress in financial situations and status changes people. It makes you wonder, 'are they the ones whom you used to know..?'.

I have experience of witnessing upside down change in people's behavior when they get to a different level. What you thought was genuine is no longer the same. May be, they were that way because that used to get them the advantage to move forward. Once you have moved forward, may be the originality shows up. I'm not bothered about their new avatar, the so called originality. What disappoints the most is, you trusted and fall for what they are really not.

Paul Arockiam.
12-June-2014.

Matrimony and it's complications - 3 [continues]..

Soon after I have posted my views on "God Fearing", one of my friend pinged me telling that she read the post and mentioned, "Proverbs 1:7".

"What's that..?", I asked.

"The answer to your post about God Fearing", she said.

I didn't have the Bible handy, so I took a while to search. Meantime, she herself told me what was written in Proverbs 1:7 in Bible.

"Fear of God is the beginning of knowledge"

Yes, it is indeed mentioned like that in Bible. Proverbs 1:7 reads like this,

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; but fools despise wisdom and instruction"

I was amazed how quickly she was able to come up with a quote from Bible for my post. She must have read Bible thoroughly. I couldn't help myself but appreciate her on that aspect. But let's keep that topic aside.

After I read it, I said to her with a smile, "I'm not agreeing with the Bible then".

It must have taken her by surprise. She might not have expected such a statement from me.

"Why..?", she asked.

"I think it must have been 'The love of Lord is the beginning of knowledge'.. Bible needs some revision".

I again asked her, "why should you fear God..? do you like a parent with whom you feel fear..?".

"No", she said.

"That's the answer. Love is the basis", I said.

Paul Arockiam.
11-June-2014.

[ கவிதை ] நிழல்கள்

எல்லாவற்றையும் சொல்லிய பிறகு 

சொல்வதற்கு எதுவும் இருக்கிறதாவென்று 

நாம் வினவப்படுகிறோம் 

சொல்வதற்கு நமக்கு 

நிறைய இருக்கிறது

அவர்கள் சொல்லிய அனைத்தையும் 

சொல்லாமலேயே சென்றிருக்கலாம்

என்பது உட்பட 

சொல்வதற்கு நமக்கு 

நிறைய இருக்கவே செய்கிறது 

நாம் சொல்ல நினைப்பது 

அவர்கள் சொல்லிய எல்லாவற்றிற்கும் 

முரணாக இருக்க போகிறது 

என்பது உட்பட 

சொல்வதற்கு நமக்கு 

நிறைய இருக்கவே செய்கிறது 

ஆனாலும் 

எதுவும் சொல்லாமல் 

அங்கிருந்து நாம் 

விலக விரும்புகிறோம் 

எதுவுமே சொல்லாத

நம் மௌனம் 

அசௌகர்யமான அதிர்வலைகளை 

சூழலில் ஏற்படுத்துகிறது

அவர்களுக்கு 

தேவைப்படவே செய்கிறது 

விரும்பாத போதிலும்

புரிந்து கொண்டதான 

நம் தலையசைப்பு 

நகர முனையும் நம்மை 

தடுத்து நிறுத்த 

கரமெதுவும் நீளப் போவதில்லை

என்னும் சிந்தனை 

சற்றே தடுமாற வைக்கிறது நம்மை 

பிறகு 

அங்கிருந்து விலகி செல்கிறோம்

நிழல் எதுவுமற்று அவர்களும் 

இரு நிழல்களுடன் நாமும் 

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.

11-ஜூன்-2014.

Matrimony and it's complications - 3..

While searching for bride, I happen to notice almost all are looking for a "God fearing" groom. It sounded little weird reading those words, "God fearing". I just felt that the usage itself is wrong.

Why should one fear God ?

I love God.. I like God.. I show respect to God out of Love.. But why should I fear ? Fear is a dangerous thing to have. God is good. He spreads love. He shows kindness and the list goes on and on. For all that, one can love and like God. Why to fear ?

Whenever I pray or go to Church, my conversations with God are very casual in nature. I feel I'm welcomed with open arms and a warm smile. I don't fear. I feel like talking whatever I want. Asking whatever I want. Questioning whatever the way I wish. God has never made me feel that I'm threatened. 

I know some may feel that this post is an over-reaction on a casual usage of words "God fearing". I will tell you why I wanted to discuss this in detail. Basically when you connect yourself with God with fear of His high power, you are tend to get into a state of not able to talk open. You fear His power, and your acceptance about him is the result of the fact that you fear otherwise you will be punished in a way or other. Really that is not the way to go about with God.

It is very easy to explain why one should get connected with God based on Love rather than fear in a simple statement. When there is fear, there is a high probability that one would one day rebel.

Paul Arockiam.
10-June-2014.

Talking about destiny - 2..

When the destiny calls, what will happens if I don't answer the call or reject the same ? What would be the fall back sequence ? I'm getting curious to know.

Will there be a diversion which will eventually lead me to the same destiny just like the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"..? I wish it will be like that. Or will it lead me to a different one ?

Or is it that the different one is what the real destiny and that when destiny calls I can't be not answering or rejecting but accepting the call ?

How does it work ? Really.. How does it work ? I'm getting very curious to know.

Paul Arockiam.
10-June-2014.

Steps to move forward..

The first step is to stop standing.

The second step is to forget that you were standing.

The third step is to create a world of your own while you step forward, ignoring the others walking along you, until you start feeling comfortable within yourself about the progress.

The forth step is.. well, you are pretty much ahead of this line to even read this.

Paul Arockiam.
10-June-2014.

[ கவிதை ] பெயரிடப்படாதப் பிரியங்கள்..

பெயரிடப்படாத உன் பிரியங்கள் 

சில நேரங்களில் 

ஏற்படுத்தவே செய்கின்றன 

சலசலப்பை..

முதுகை மட்டுமே காட்டும் 

இவ்வுலகில்

மலர்ந்த முகத்துடன் நெருங்கும் 

நீ 

எங்கிருந்து வந்தவள்..?

'என்ன வேண்டும்..?'

என்னும் கேள்வியை 

புன்னகையால் எதிர் கொள்கிறாய் 

பிறகு 

'எதுவும் வேண்டாம்'

என்று சொல்லி 

எல்லாம் தந்து செல்கிறாய்..

பெயரிட 
விரும்புகிறேன்..

உன் பிரியங்களை அல்ல 

மனிதர் என்பதிலிருந்து 

விலகி நிற்கும் 

உன் பிறப்பின் வகையை 

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.

10-ஜூன்-2014.

[ Recommendations ] Game of Thrones

If you are a fan of historical war stories, Game of Thrones is a treat you wouldn't want to miss. It is a fantasy war television series. So far 3 seasons have been completed and forth running, I believe.

I have never seen a series with such a bold twist and turns as I have seen in GoT. You are always made to witness the unexpected and go through shock and surprise of how the story is going to move forward. The characters you thought as principal becomes nothing but a temporary glitter on the sword.

It takes a great deal of courage to write a story with such twists to end the characters that you start cherishing and introduce a new one with the hope that you will start liking the newer ones better than the old ones.

The politics, the cruelty, the kindness, the betrayal, the love, the lust, the greed, the determination and what not. I like the series and recommend to those who like war stories. Though it is fantasy war story, it stands close to the reality.

PS: The series has graphical scenes that are disturbing in nature. You are warned.

Paul Arockiam.
09-June-2014.

Matrimony and it's complications - 2..

In the state of uncertainty, decisions are difficult to make. It's not very surprising to see people withdrawing themselves from the conversations or not coming forward to have one at all. It is just disappointing. Thanks to the society and this world for constantly showing it's cruelty at people's door step. Everyone seems to have just scared. The faith in humanity or moral values seems to have lost even though individuals have the same within themselves. It is just that they don't easily trust others. Of course, they can't be blamed.

Having seen so much and experienced so much, now what I need is re-labeling and re-focusing on things. I should take sometime to organize and clearly draw my lines for my future.

Ever since I had put my profile on matrimonial, there were couple of incidents when the climax of "When Harry Met Sally" ran in my mind. Harry's dialog goes like this in the climax, "....And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible". That doesn't mean that I fall in love. It is just that when you realize somebody could be your possible match, you just want the discussions to progress as early as possible. But you see, life isn't a movie. The reality has it's own timing. What I realized is, the need of the hour is, patience.

Paul Arockiam.
09-June-2014.

Notes..

I'm happy that Kavya has come to a stage where she can talk over phone. Respond to questions. More importantly, ask questions :-) Something that I had been longing for quite sometime now. Not able to be around her always made me bit uncomfortable, giving me a feeling that if I could be around i could coach her better.

It's amazing to see how easily children pick up things at such small age. Their innocent questions, sweet teasing, 'don't fear' courage.. Just amazing.

Paul Arockiam.
08-June-2014.

எல்லையற்ற புரிதல்கள்..

புரிதல்களில் உன் உலகைத் தொலைத்து விடாதே. சிலவற்றை புரிந்து கொள்ளாதிருத்தாலே நலம். நீ நல்லவன்(ள்) என்பது அவர்களுக்கு தெரியும் கணத்தில் அவர்களது மனதின் ஓரத்தில் ஏதோவொன்று முளை விடலாம். அது உனக்கு எதிராக பின்னாளில் பயன்படுத்தப்படலாம்.

புரிதல்களுக்கும் ஒரு எல்லையை நாம் நிர்ணயிக்க வேண்டியதாகவே இருக்கிறது. நம் மென்மையான தன்மையை ஆதாயமாக்கிக் கொள்ளும் சில மனிதர்களிடம் இருந்து நம் சுயத்தை பாதுகாத்துக் கொள்ள அது மிக முக்கிய தேவையாக இருக்கிறது. அதீத புரிதல் உள்ளவர்களுக்கு அதுவே ஆபத்தாகிப் போகும் சிக்கல் இருக்கவே செய்கிறது. 

நான் பார்த்திருக்கிறேன். கேட்டிருக்கிறேன். அனுபவித்தும் இருக்கிறேன். அதனால் சொல்கிறேன். புரிதல்களில் உன் உலகம் தொலைத்து போய் விடாதபடிக்கு கவனமாய் இரு.

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.
08-ஜூன்-2014.

Meeting at mid point..

Why to give up, especially when you haven't made any mistakes yet..? Especially when you are honestly pursuing on it without any bad intentions..? Especially when you believe that there is a possible positive response..?

Why to give up..?

I know it's hard to keep the momentum going when you are put on hold, especially when you are so eager to make progress. But most of the times, things are not just in the control of yourself. You are one of the participants. It needs push and pull from both the sides.

When I was talking to one of the doctors I know of, she said, "Paul, people have to come half way to meet each other in a relationship.. One person moving all the way long to meet the other person might give a pleasure or satisfaction for a while, but it won't lost long especially given the fact that the other person haven't taken the efforts that they were supposed to have". She couldn't have been more right in pointing out how a relationship should start between two people.

It is true that both persons have to walk half way and meet at the mid point. Sacrifice, keeping the ego aside, willing to forgive, willing to let go, etc can happen once you meet at the mid point. If the other person doesn't even come to meet you half way, what is the point in thinking that the relationship is precious ? After all, the other person isn't willing to come forward for you.

Paul Arockiam.
07-June-2014.

Matrimony and it's complications..

In a country and culture where Love is condemned, we have no other choice but to go through the complicated process of finding a match through matrimony. The experience can't be put in words, so lets use a decent word "bitter".

In fact, finding a match through matrimony need not necessarily be a big deal when you are looking for a part for your sister, brother, son or daughter. As a responsible member of the family, you are happy to do all those things. You sort out the matches, you investigate, you try your best to narrow down a good possible match. It's all ok as long as you are looking for a match for someone close to you.

The complication begins when you are a responsible member of the family, but not a father or mother, and it's time for you to find a match for your own. You are everything and you need to do everything for yourself. I'm damn sure that "Describe about yourself" can't be described perfectly by such person when they are modest in nature. It is such a difficult task to self-advertise yourself. It's more than awkward.

The funny thing is, how on earth the other party is going to believe what you say ? Everyone can say that they are good in nature. What is the guarantee that they speak the truth. How will you authenticate the credibility ? It is such a scary thing.

Let's say that you pass that hurdle, the next complication begins when you have to talk for yourself to the bride / groom or their parents. Now again the trust issue pops up. You can give certificate for your education, job, salary, health and even wealth, but how can you prove your character ?

There being good in heart is not good enough. Even if you are able to prove that you are good within, that isn't enough for most of the people. They attack you with caste, sub-caste, sub-sub-caste, ancestor history, and what not.

What I have experienced in these few days after putting up my profile in matrimony is something I should definitely be talking about. It shows how pathetic we are during the phase of choosing a relationship.. The basis on which the marriage is built in our society is such a shame thing to talk about. And without choice, we have become part of it and forced to live with it.

That is why the basis of life, which is called Love, should never be condemned.

Paul Arockiam.
06-June-2014.

When was the last time..?

When was the last time you showered love on someone even though you know they don't love you back ?

When was the last time you gave away something with full heart to someone even though that was something you were in need of ?

When was the last time you forgave someone even though you know that they are going to repeat the same mistake again ?

When was the last time you politely walked away even though you have always been treated rude ?

When was the last time you offered a hand to those who betrayed you and never regretted for it ?

When was the last time you behaved innocent even though you know they were taking advantage of your kindness ?

When was the last time you made yourself a fool that you thought you would never be..?

Paul Arockiam.
06-June-2014.

[ கவிதை ] புதியவற்றின் பொழுதுகளில்

ஒவ்வொரு பிறப்பின் போதும் 

ஏதோவொரு இறப்பு 

நினைவில் வந்து போகிறது 

ஒவ்வொரு சிரிப்பின் போதும் 

ஏதோவொரு அழுகை 

சப்தமின்றி தழுவி செல்கிறது 

ஒவ்வொரு நெகிழ்வின் போதும் 

முதுகின் மையத்தில் 

ஏதோவொன்று குறுகுறுக்கிறது 

ஒவ்வொரு தழுவலின் போதும் 

மனதின் அந்தரங்க ஓரத்தில் 

ஏதோவொன்று பிசுபிசுக்கிறது 

புதிதாய் ஒன்று அகப்படும் போது 

சப்தமின்றி அழிக்கப்படுகின்றன 

பழையவற்றின் சுவடுகள் 

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.

06-ஜூன்-2014.

Time for a test drive !!

Recently when I decided on an investment, I was in need of support and help from several people, like friends and relatives. I was discussing about the same with one of my friend's mom. She smiled and said to me, "Paul, feel free to approach all those whom you have helped, all those whom you think have high regards for you, all those who have been taking advantage of you.. don't leave anyone.. because this is the best time of your life to get to know the true color of a person.. don't forget to expect the most unexpected..". My friend's mother is a fine woman. She is one of the women I couldn't resist admiring for her smartness and intelligence. Eventually it turned out to be what she had said was right.

There would be people, because of circumstances, wouldn't be in a position to help. Those who couldn't help can be understood. There are people who don't want to help. Well, even those people who don't want to help should be understood. Not only understood but also to be kept in mind.

It is very surprising how colors fade away when you approach a person with some real need. What you thought you have built over the years suddenly appear as nothing but a sand house, which gets washed away by a simple (not even rough) wave.

You see, you can't blame someone for who they are. But getting to know them, the real them, helps you to understand where you stand in your life and how you must be moving forward. It gives an idea of whom you can count on. But even then, as they say, at the end "we are all alone".

Paul Arockiam.
06-June-2014.

Talking about destiny..

Destiny is nothing but the opportunities that are thrown in your way. Grabbing or ignoring is up to us. In a way, we have certain control over how our life can progress further. We are just too afraid to pick up the choices in front of us. But staying where we are without taking further steps will take us no where.

Somehow we have to pick up the courage and take that next step and see what life has to offer. They always say that listen to your mind for it thinks what's practically possible. I say that try to balance between what your mind says and what your heart wants. The best way to live life is avoiding regrets. The only way to do that is to listen to your heart to some extend. It's ok, we make mistake. What we can do is take a calculated risk on our step forward. If things are likely to go wrong, take a corrective action. You would have not only saved yourself from regrets but also would have lived your life the way you wanted, well at least tried.

Paul Arockiam.
06-June-2014.

[ கவிதை ] கனா

மலராத கனவுகளைப் 

பற்றிக் கொண்டு 

பாதாளத்தை வெறித்தபடி

தொங்கிக் கொண்டிருக்கிறாய் 

விதியென்னும் பறவை

தலையிலிட்டு சென்ற எச்சம் 

துடைக்க நேரமோ தோதோ 

இல்லாதது குறித்த கவலைகள் 

உன் கண்களில் இல்லை 

மலரும் கனவுகள் 

மேலிழுக்கும் நேரமெப்போது 

என்பதிலேயே இருக்கும் 

உன் சிந்தனைகளை 

விரிந்து கொட்டிக் கிடக்கும் பாதாளம் 

அசைத்துப் பார்த்துக் கொண்டேயிருக்கிறது 

கனவுகள் களையக் கூடியவையென்று 

தரை தட்டிய யாரோவொருவரின் குரல் 

எதிரொலித்திருப்பதை செவிமெடுக்க 

விரும்பாத நீ 

கனவுகளின் மீதான

பற்றுதலை இறுக்குகிறாய் 

அது 

காற்றின் திசையில் 

மெல்ல கலைந்து அறுகிறது 

பால் ஆரோக்கியம்.

05-ஜூன்-2014.

Breaking the silence..

I couldn't resist myself from writing especially when I have been going through immense experience for the last few weeks. How could I not talk about them ?

The emotions are mixed. But my worry is that if I talk about them honestly, there is a possibility that some people might possibly feel offended. The way one is forced to get along with the waves near the shore is life threatening and at the same time pretty thrilling.

There is love.. there is hatred.. there is friendliness.. there is betrayal.. You can expect the unexpected even from the person whom you think you know better. But hang on! That doesn't mean that the world is too harsh. There is also soft and chill breeze. It's what we choose to take and what we choose to ignore.

If it's all predictable, where is the fun in life..?

Paul Arockiam.
05-June-2014.