I never thought it would become a series of writing. When I wrote the first post on "Matrimony and it's complications", I was desperate to express at least something that I have been going through. Then I realized that there is indeed so much to share, not just to express what I feel about it but also to talk about it in general.
After reading my posts on the topic related to this, one of my friends, who is also the only person, made me feel like she got the real essence of what I was writing about and caught the right pulse of the posts. We had a long discussion around the topic. She was very forthcoming to explain me the 'why's' of the complications. It wasn't that I was unaware of everything but she surely added some new perspectives into my thinking.
To ease the complications, her simplest advise -- which I couldn't help but agree -- was to follow the procedure. The core point of the complication was because we are caught up in between the transformation of the generations. The generations before us might not have had such complications or at least they ought have been made to accept that as de facto conducts of code. The generation after us aren't surely going to face such complications, at least not at this level of aggravation. As she had rightly pointed out, we are caught up in the middle. Our parents are so much into the de facto procedures while us, the children, are into free will nature.
To handle a complicated situation like this, the simplest and really working way is to follow the procedure our parents set or expect. As a bride or groom, you aren't supposed to talk. Let parents talk. Let them go through the proper procedure and proceed further. Even if you want to talk, so as to show your high moral values, you remind yourself that you aren't at an advantage to talk. You talk when you are given the chance and keep your profile low because that is what considered to be a good and acceptable behavior as per de facto conducts of code.
You might be against dowry and all other 'not making sense' routine of procedures (I didn't use the word 'nonsense' because that is condemned as per the de facto dictionary., however expanding of the word is considered not to be an offense). But until you are given a chance with an environment filled with acceptable attitudes, you perhaps restrict yourself from making a scene. When talks about dowry comes and you are asked to give opinion, simply and politely say that "it's your wish, I'm not expecting anything". Don't say that, "I don't want dowry and that is against my principle", because you are then likely to be perceived as a defective piece of work by God. You can even show your gesture of goodness by returning the dowry, if they were willing to give, after marriage when you really get a chance to speak for yourself.
-- To be continued in next post of the series.
Paul Arockiam.
16-June-2014.
After reading my posts on the topic related to this, one of my friends, who is also the only person, made me feel like she got the real essence of what I was writing about and caught the right pulse of the posts. We had a long discussion around the topic. She was very forthcoming to explain me the 'why's' of the complications. It wasn't that I was unaware of everything but she surely added some new perspectives into my thinking.
To ease the complications, her simplest advise -- which I couldn't help but agree -- was to follow the procedure. The core point of the complication was because we are caught up in between the transformation of the generations. The generations before us might not have had such complications or at least they ought have been made to accept that as de facto conducts of code. The generation after us aren't surely going to face such complications, at least not at this level of aggravation. As she had rightly pointed out, we are caught up in the middle. Our parents are so much into the de facto procedures while us, the children, are into free will nature.
To handle a complicated situation like this, the simplest and really working way is to follow the procedure our parents set or expect. As a bride or groom, you aren't supposed to talk. Let parents talk. Let them go through the proper procedure and proceed further. Even if you want to talk, so as to show your high moral values, you remind yourself that you aren't at an advantage to talk. You talk when you are given the chance and keep your profile low because that is what considered to be a good and acceptable behavior as per de facto conducts of code.
You might be against dowry and all other 'not making sense' routine of procedures (I didn't use the word 'nonsense' because that is condemned as per the de facto dictionary., however expanding of the word is considered not to be an offense). But until you are given a chance with an environment filled with acceptable attitudes, you perhaps restrict yourself from making a scene. When talks about dowry comes and you are asked to give opinion, simply and politely say that "it's your wish, I'm not expecting anything". Don't say that, "I don't want dowry and that is against my principle", because you are then likely to be perceived as a defective piece of work by God. You can even show your gesture of goodness by returning the dowry, if they were willing to give, after marriage when you really get a chance to speak for yourself.
-- To be continued in next post of the series.
Paul Arockiam.
16-June-2014.
No comments:
Post a Comment